Open hearts

I was reading a blog this morning that I actually posted onto my fb page this morning and it has actually confirmed what has been on my mind and heart for a while.
In short, the article was about this lady who had previously had 4 miscarriages and was currently 6 weeks pregnant with her 5th baby and she wanted to tell people because she felt that she needed peoples support.

I can FULLY identify with that - and I think to a certain extend I learnt this the hard way!

When I was pregnant with the first baby we didnt want to tell people -except family and close friends. There wasn't a particular reason for this - just that I thought its what is done - you ONLY tell people you preg when you are safely past the 12 / 13 week mark.

Well, when I lost the baby I found it hard to explain to people what I was going through because many didn't know that I was pregnant. Many didn't understand the tears and emotional breakdowns at very 'weird' moments.
One day, after returning to work shortly after the loss, a fellow teacher came up to me and asked me if I was feeling better and if I was over my flu that I had..... FLU??? The most traumatic thing had just happened and I was asked if my flu had cleared up? So, unfortunately in that moment the tears couldnt be held back and I broke down.

I remember when pregnant the 2nd time I realised that I need more support - whether this pregnancy lasted or not.

For some reason, our society wants us to have it all together. We love sharing in each others joy and celebrations but we just not sure how to handle someone when they are grieving or going through a difficult time.

Often people don't want to share what they going through, and that is totally up to personal choice, but I would like to think of friends, family and church community as a safe place to be able to share openly.

EVERYONE goes through difficult times and grief - there is no one who is exempt from it. We don't have to pretend that our lives are perfect because they are not. I am not suggesting we live in a negative spirit that life is so hard and "woe is me" because I think its very draining being around people like that constantly but I would people to be honest.



I have learnt to open up more about my struggles in the last 2 years. In the beginning it was very difficult, but I actually realised that I needed to in order to heal.

Since being in Singapore I have met numerous woman who have opened up to me about their fertility struggles. When meeting someone for the first time, the usual questions are asked - what do you do, where you from and ..... the most popular one..... do you have kids?

I have noticed here that people are a lot more open and honest about their miscarriages or struggles. Back home, I felt more like a failure as it wasn't something that people spoke about, and when it was spoken about you felt people's awkwardness. All around me people were getting it right and I just wasn't and I couldnt understand it?

Its a fact of life - its happened and this is how I have grown from it. It is nothing to be ashamed about or feel inferior to.

Again, I know it is people choice whether or not to share, but it would be great if we all took down this mask that life is perfect!

I have been reminded about a lovely couple that go to my parents church. They have been the most amazing people. They have prayed earnestly for Mike and I for each pregnancy and in all the days and weeks that followed. Recently his wife has been diagnosed with cancer and they regularly send us updates on how she is doing.
For SO long they have been strong when we were weak and now its our turn to be strong for them.

It reminds me of the story of the paralytics' friends who lowered him through the roof to get to Jesus. He probably felt very supported and loved in that moment.
He didnt try and lower himself, secretly at night when no one could see him and then pretend all was ok when around his friends. He NEEDED his friends to help him.

I am grateful for people who have opened up to me in the past. It makes me realise that I am not alone in certain struggles or fears I have and it also allows me to support them in whatever way I can!

love

As I was walking to work today I was thinking about the children that I work with on a daily basis.

These are children who are 'slow learners', 'problem children' and 'under-achievers'.
I was listening to the song "Mighty to save" on my iphone with my earphones in - (Like a true Singaporean - walking and absorbed in their own world), and this line just struck me:

"Everyone needs compassion"

It made me think of the children and the families I interact with on a daily basis.

It made me think of the babies I have lost - and particularly the last baby I lost in March last year.

Our little baby had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 16.
There are times when children are born with Partial Trisomy 16 where they survive but are severely disabled.
Our baby had Full Trisomy 16 which is always fatal.

I have found that since my losses I have more of a heart for children who are struggling academically or socially.

The thought has often crossed my mind that I could have had a child who would of had many difficulties in life.

This has given me greater patience, love, understanding, compassion and care for children who need that 'little bit extra'.

There are definitely times where I feel myself getting impatient with the children I work with because they 'just not getting it' but then I stop myself and somehow think that this could be my child - and how I would want a teacher or therapist to be patient and love him through it all.

I ask God for extra patience and love for these children everyday!

I want to make a difference!

Birth-day

This picture was taken on the 25 February last year - my birthday!
What an amazing day that was.....



Mike unfortunately couldnt make the appt at the very last minute because he had an emergency at school, so my beloved Dr J took this picture so we could send it to Mike.

That was the last time I saw his heartbeat.......

As my birthday is coming up I was thinking back to birthdays I have had in the past. Growing up, it consisted of birthdays at the Spur - getting a Chico the Clown for dessert! In the last few years they have entailed dinner with Sheldon and kathleen because Shel and I share a birthday!

This will be my first birthday in Singapore AND my first birthday in 3 YEARS that I am not pregnant!

Somehow I have always been pregnant on my birthday and somehow each birthday has been a 'scan' day.

I had not intended them to be scan days at all - as I didnt want my birthday to be ruined by heartbreaking news - but my appt has always been moved to the 25th.

And I am incredibly grateful that those birthdays have been happy ones.

They have been more special than I could ever imagine!

But ignorance is bliss!!!
Thank goodness I didn't know what lay ahead!

So as I approach another birthday on a VERY different path to what I had expected, I am grateful for what I have!