How to start a family?

Most often couples who go through infertility often hear people say, "Well, you can just adopt?"

Well, It really isn't JUST lets adopt!!

Today Mike and I went to meet with a social worker who gathers information and completes the couples home study. This home study gives "Permission" for the couple to be parents!

I had no clue what to wear!! When I was changed I asked Mike.... "Do I look like a potential Mom?"

It's rather strange to think that someone else is going to give you the "OK" to be parents! I totally can understand why - there are way too many cases of abuse, neglect and child trafficking that happen out there!

So here is just a "SHORT" list of what documentation needs to be gathered and handed to the social worker for her to start the home study(HS):

1. Register with an online portal here in Singapore so they can just keep track of adoption taking place.

2. Sign a declaration that there is no foreign child staying with us while we under go our home study.

3. Complete and sign consent forms for the agency to commence with the HS.

4. Complete a questionnaire - VERY comprehensive questionaire!

5. We need to complete online training on baby care, attachment issues, bonding etc.

6. Documents:
Passports
Employment Pass documents
Birth Certificates
Marriage Certificate

7. Health Check up: we need a full medical checkup.

8. Employment verification: Proof that we have a job, how long we have worked there and what our salary is.

9. We need to give a statement of net worth - all life insurances etc.

10. A copy of tax assessments for the past 2 years.

11. A monthly budget showing our income and monthly expenditure and showing that we do have money to support a child.

12. Copies of our academic qualifications.

13. Criminal background check - proof that we dont have a criminal record.

14. We need to give 2 character references each.

15. Guardianship: We need to nominate someone to be guardian of our child if something had to happen to us and that person has to give a signed acceptance of guardianship.

Once all the above documentation is collected, the HS can begin that includes an office and a home visit.
We need to ensure that our house is armed with a smoke detector and a fire extinguisher!

Once the HS has been completed and a final report has been written, we then need to contact another agency who is responsible for sourcing a baby.

That is a tricky part because we living in Singapore and the logistics of it can be complicated.

So, please think twice before saying to a couple "Oh, well if you cant fall pregnant, you can JUST adopt!"

All the above is ONLY the logistical part, never mind the emotional part that accompanies the process!

We have lots to chew on!!!

18 months on

In my last entry I spoke about how I should change the title of my blog to "Living" and not "waiting".
I am not sure that I am really waiting anymore - but rather taking all opportunities and going for it!

I think I have shocked myself too. I was never the "adventurous" type at all.
All I wanted was to have children, be a stay-at-home mom, baking cookies all day and going for play dates with my other friends who had kids.

If you had told me that at 30 I would be living in Singapore with no kids I would have laughed a nervous laugh!

But here I am!

No kids, living in Singapore with Mike, loving my job, traveling to places I never dreamed I would ever go and experiencing things that were way out of my comfort zone!
I would never in a million years think that I would ever go scuba diving - I freak out just snorkelling - but there I went and did it and felt such a sense of accomplishment!

So we are 18 months into our life in Singapore!
There have been challenges - but to be honest, in comparison to the grief and heartache that we have gone through in the last 4 years, they have been nothing that we can't tackle!
Team Gilmour has grown tremendously in all 8 years (nearly) of it's married existence. We have cried til we laughed and laughed til we cried!

Mike and I sat down and named all the places we have managed to travel to in the last 18 months and were blown away!!
NEVER did I ever think I would have an opportunity to travel there....

Our travels:
Sibu Island (off the coast of Malaysia)

Dayang (Also an Island off Malaysia where we got our diving certification)

Bintan (Indonesian Island just off Singapore's shores)

Thailand (Krabi and Phuket)

Switzerland

France

Bali

Vietnam

Hong Kong

Jeju Island, South Korea

Okinawa, Japan

Shanghai

..... and there are plenty more places in the plans!!

So here we are in Singapore, just the 2 of us, LIVING each and every day!!

Living

I was lying in bed last night (trying to sleep amongst the jet lag) and I was thinking of my blog and all that has been written over the years.

I was thinking about how the name of my blog should be changed from "Waiting" to "Living".

I'm not sure I am waiting anymore?
Waiting has a connotation that life is temporarily on hold until you get 'that thing' you have been waiting for. There definitely was a time a few years ago when I was waiting with such anxiety but hope for a baby. The entire past few years just seemed like a time of waiting....

Waiting to fall pregnant.
Waiting to have the first blood test.
Waiting to see the doctor.
Waiting to have the first scan.
Waiting to have the D&C so my life can continue.

Waiting to fall pregnant.... and so the cycle of waiting started all over again!!

For the first time in MANY years, I feel that I am not waiting but living!

Don't get me wrong, if a baby was placed in my arms tomorrow I would cry a thousand tears of happiness, but it's not something I feel I NEED in order to make my life complete.
Perhaps I have learnt to live without a baby or children - I feel overwhelmed when I hear people talk about how busy they are with their children.
It scares me! I enjoy my "my" time.

In one of my previous blog posts I remember saying that I miss manic bathtime, supper time etc - but I can't say that I do anymore - I cherish the quiet times.

For the first time in years I feel I am enjoying each and every day and not just wishing it over to move on to the next. Thats what I used to do:
Wishing my days away to get to the next milestone so that my baby would have more of a chance to survive.

I calculated the other day that with all my pregnancies I would have nearly made it to full term - if only if it was with just 1 pregnancy!

So for now, I am not "waiting", I am "living".