You know you are making progress when...

You know you are making progress when...

You can remember your baby with a smile.
You realise the painful comments others make are made in ignorance.
You reach out to help someone else.
You stop dreading the holidays.
You can sit through a church service without crying.
You can concentrate on something besides your child.
You can find something to thank God for.
You can talk about what happened to your baby without falling apart.
You can tolerate the sound of a baby crying.
You can find something to laugh about.
You can drive by the hospital, doctors rooms or that intersection without screaming and bursting into tears.
You no longer feel exhausted all the time.
You can appreciate a sunset.



I was spending some precious time with my mom today showing her the scrapbook that I have made for the baby's and then she brought out her worn out, tattered-looking folder for the twins she had that died - Sean and Warren. Sean and warren both were born at 26 weeks gestation and died shortly afterwards. My mom never held them or said goodbye.

She still has days where she sits and goes through the folder remembering all that happened. I sat with her looking at cards that she kept, letters she wrote, newspaper articles that were written about her when she started a support group and other things that she holds dear to her heart.

I then found a letter that I had written to the twins (my brothers). My mom found this letter only after I got married. It is written in my immature handwriting and on the same pad of paper that was in the folder. I had obviously been sitting looking through the folder and decided to write a letter to them. This is what my letter said:

Dear Sean and Warren,

I will always remember you.
I will never forget you.
I don't know if you know who I am, I am your big sister, Sandi.
I was 3 yrs old when you were born.
I wish you were both still alive!

I have always wondered what you would look like now.
You would have been in Std 1 this year.
We are living in Cape Town again. After you both died we moved to Joberg for 7 years.
I miss you two!!!!
Lots of love
Sandi

xxx