venting!

So things have been building for a while and today I just want to scream!!
One of the ways to get it off it my chest is to blog it.

So if you are reading this then just understand!

I am feeling mad! Mad, mad, mad!! I am not sure exactly who or what I'm mad with but I'm mad!
I'm mad that my pregnancies didn't work out.

When u tell someone how u feel they are able to reply and try to offer you advice so now that you are reading it you can't do anything but just listen so I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel about myself- I feel like a failure!! Now usually people will say- oh don't feel like that or no, youu not a failure, but deep down inside - if you were extremely honestly with yourself you would feel the same if you had repeatedly lost babies! A woman is designed to have children and what a slap in the face when one can't!

Every time a pregnancy is announced or a scan is shown its a slap in my face! Someone else who has it right and I don't! I'm tired of trying to be gracious at baby showers by going or by sending a gift. I'm tired of pretending I'm interested in some peoples pregnancies. I'm tired of hearing that others are pregnant!

I'm just mad at life!! I feel that I have been a faithful person, I am grateful for things in my life and am not a demanding person but all I wanted was to be preg and a baby- gees, is that too freakin much to ask?

I'm just mad - even burst into tears today because I was so mad that my gynae didn't have scan paper for the whole duration of my last pregnancy!!!! It was the most important thing to us - seeing our baby with a heartbeat was insanely magical but to not have paper???? Arg! I'm mad!

Tomorrow will be a better day - it always does get better but for now I'm mad!!!